Anxiety around food as a PCOS patients

I love having a plate of hot momos after a bad day. And something sweet to complete every meal. And little munchies when I'm reading a book. But every time I do, I'm not able to enjoy it. Because I constantly feel I'm feeding my disease and not myself. I'm sure, any woman who suffers from PCOS, relates to me.

PCOS is caused by one's “lifestyle” — including exercise, sleep, stress and, of course, food. Earlier, I used to think I got this disease because I had exploited my body too much, but I know better now. I was too young to have “exploited” my body when I got it. It was just genes. Insulin resistance runs in my family.

The guilt of eating anything beyond "ghar ka khana" leaves me anxious, knowing stress fuels PCOS—a wild, vicious cycle that’s hard to escape. This constant guilt has worsened my relationship with food, swinging between avoiding snacks completely or binging on unhealthy options.

Cravings, eating disorders, and anxiety linked to PCOS make it even tougher. I’ve forgotten how to truly enjoy food; resisting it only makes it feel like a forbidden fruit I can’t ignore, leaving me trapped in a relentless internal battle.

Everyone's body and experiences are different, and I'm trying to learn what works for me. I've realized, the more I work out, the less I crave carbs. And the more I eat fresh fruits, the less I crave sweets. If I keep a bottle at my desk at all times, I remain hydrated because I drink the water without even thinking about it.

But I could only figure it out after failing several times—after staying dehydrated for hours in a day, eating out every day, and having an entire plate of sweets at the buffet that my dad laughed at.

I’m not over it, and I don’t know if I ever will be. I wish I naturally craved healthy food, but the truth is I don’t. I have to accept it before I can begin working against my cravings—remembering it may be just a bit harder for me than for someone who does not suffer from PCOS. But still as important, if not more.