Postpartum Experience First Person

I always wanted to be a mother, but the scaredy-cat in me had also always been terrified of childbirth. The blood everywhere, water breaking and gushing out, the pushing a baby out of a small hole, the pain of contractions – whatever I’d read about the process of giving birth always scared me a bit, and I was a bundle of nerves even till the last month of my pregnancy. But ever since I was a child, all I would hear my Mum and all the mothers of her generation say is “Oh yes birthing hard but as soon as you hold your baby, all the pain is gone and forgotten!” So I thought I’d just have to get through that one day of pain and then be free of it. But I was in for many surprises when I gave birth almost 3 years ago, most of which I had NO clue of how they would affect me. Of course, every person’s experience depends on a multitude of factors including their own circumstances and their threshold for pain. But here are 5 postpartum experiences that truly hit me like a brick:

1. The pain from your vaginal stitches can be terrible:

Most people know that if the vagina doesn’t tear naturally, the doctor may have to surgically cut it during labour to make the hole bigger for the baby to come through. This incision – known as the episiotomy – is then stitched up as soon as the baby is delivered, and over the course of a few days the stitches dissolve on their own. What I didn’t know though, was that how truly painful it can be to walk, sit or even move without pain for over 3 weeks! Post a caesarean delivery, one is told not to lift heavy loads for 6 weeks due to the stitches on the abdomen. For a vaginal birth though, many women are told they can resume normal life even the day after pushing out their babies. But after the initial 3 days when the painkillers wore off, it hurt ALL the time. When I sat upright to feed. When I went to pee. It was a task to even walk from my bedroom to the kitchen. I spent the first month post-delivery in agony from the pain of my stitches more than anything else. It was only when I mentioned it to a relative that she said it was terribly painful for her too – I wish I knew about it before so I could have been prepared to tackle the pains.

2. Your period can return immediately even if you’re exclusively breastfeeding:

During my 3000 Google searches a day during pregnancy, I’d read that one of the perks of breastfeeding was that although you can still ovulate, your period can take 5-6months or even a year to return. My friend, who had a baby a few months before me started her period after five months. My sister-in-law’s returned after four. My cousin’s took time to return as well. But lucky me, the week after my 4-weeks of postpartum bleeding ended, I had another week of a full-blown period to deal with and immediately messaged my gynaecologist about it. “It’s normal even when you’re breastfeeding, don’t worry” came the reply. If only I knew!

3. PMS and period symptoms can be worse than they were pre-pregnancy:

Lower back pain. Menstrual cramps. Mood swings. Feeling fatigued. Heavy blood flow. I thought it was bad before I got pregnant, but what I experience during period week (and the week before) now leaves me with debilitating pain, an irritable mood and sometimes even insomnia during both PMS and periods. Some women do get lucky postpartum as their period pain reduces or the days of flow come down, but for some, it can definitely go the other way. If not for fulfilling my chocolate ice cream cravings, each month’s period post-baby would be much harder for me to get through!

4. The Baby Blues can hit you extremely hard:

One minute you’re crying. The next minute you’re okay. The next you don’t even want to play with your baby, and felt guilty. The next you’re upset about everything. And then you just cry for no reason again. That’s called the ‘Baby Blues’ – the hormonal, physical and emotional changes affecting your whole system – and can start from a few days after delivery and last for 2-3 weeks. I didn’t know what to do or how to process these feelings, especially after having delivered during the heights of the Omicron wave of Covid, having almost no one at home on weekdays except a nurse to help with the baby. I had to rely on my phone to summon my village through video calls. “Eat chocolate, get some sunlight, try to move around,” was the advice from new mothers that was helpful. “Don’t be so dramatic, stop crying for nothing, everything is fine,” from others around me was not. Baby Blues can be hard to get through, even harder when people are asking you to just “be positive” – but remember that much like everything else, it’s a phase that will pass. If it doesn’t, and carries on for weeks or months, it could be postpartum depression, and it would be wise to speak to a doctor or therapist for help.

5. Post-weaning Depression is real:

I exclusively breastfed my son for 17 months (he refused even pumped milk from a bottle), slowly weaning off just before he started playschool at one-and-a-half. And as the feeds dropped, so did my behaviour change. I started getting upset at small things, crying about even too many toys to clear from the floor, screaming at my husband for trivial matters, was unable to fall asleep easily, had bouts of anxiety, and had days when I did nothing but doomscrolled through my phone while crying for hours. A lot of that scrolling led me to understand what was happening – I was going through the often “understudied and undiagnosed” post-weaning depression phase. When your body has to stop producing milk after over a year, prolactin and oxytocin levels drop, leading to hormonal changes in the body. I was totally unaware and unprepared for this. It was only through a healthy support system and speaking to a licenced therapist about my feelings that I was able to manage the huge emotional upheaval that weaning my toddler off my brought with it.

Pregnancy and postpartum experiences are different for everyone. What makes things easier is knowing about it, being prepared, openly talking about even the hard parts and most importantly – being supportive of anyone you know who may struggle with any negative physical, mental or emotional conditions through any phase of life.